Joe's Christmas list

You make your infant who can't focus past the end of his nose watch Baby Einsteins to make sure he grows up smart. You make your unborn fetus listen to classical music through headphones strapped onto your delightfully pregnant belly to make sure he grows up with talent. You get sucked into a million and one fads and fantasies to make sure your baby grows up smarter, more talented, more athletic, and better looking than the loser neighbor's kids.

Well, now here's something with a halfway decent chance of working. Strap on the High Heel Crib Shoes and watch as your beautiful little baby girl grows up to be the most high-priced hooker on the block!

Note: This is not a guarantee. Your hourly rates may vary.