Joe's Christmas list

For a computer geek, I'm surprisingly analog about time. It really bugs the poop out of me when somebody tells me "It's 9:18." Or worse, when somebody asks me what time it is, and I respond something like "It's a quarter to 11," only to have some self-important faux uber-geek correct me by saying, "Actually, it's 10:42." Loser. You'll be on-time for a date, if you can ever get one.

Anyway, enough ranting. The line of hopefully-soon-to-be-produced Talus Watches doesn't quite say "half-past the monkey's ass and quarter to his balls" but they do a nice job of making digital time analog. One has a long rectangle in which the single number for the hour slowly slides from bottom to top over an hour. The other has words like "Quarter after" and "Just about" around the single number for the hour. Perfect for me. Really. I love this idea.

Oh, and if the blonde Java programmer in the next cubicle says "Yes" to your pathetic attempt to ask her to the Linux User's Group meeting, just press the little button to see the exact time. Geek.

If you're afraid of the monsters under the bed, then the Moon Light Night Light is for you. I've been touting the benefits of the new generation of super bright LEDs, but I never thought they'd be used quite this way.

Afraid of the boogey-man? Banished!
Scared of goblins? Gone!
Frightened by demons? Denied!
Worried that you'll stub your widdle tootsies? Well, you're probably too drunk to see this anyway.

Just be on guard - now the underside of your bed will glow like the underside of your pimped Pontiac. Don't confuse 'em.

This is the latest gadget from Ambient, the people who brought us the Orb (watching The Entourage?). I've got nothing funny to say about it, assuming anything I say is ever funny. I just want one.

The Ambient 5 Day Weather Forecaster gets weather updates from Accuweather via the Ambient wireless network, which covers most of the country, or at least the more densely populated areas. It displays updates on a pretty crappy display, but wait - it's e-ink! Crappy, yet wickedly cool!

OK, I'm back. I decided to order one and come back to brag. Not in stock anywhere I looked. Well, somebody called "Stacks Home Furnishings" didn't say out-of-stock, but they want a 35% premium. Bastards.

There's always next Christmas.

Although the web site claims that the Satugo is "the world's first Bouncing ball camera," I believe that some commercial provider of military gear has been selling these for months at something like $1,600.00 each. Imagine throwing these into a crowd and getting a bunch of up-burka shots in Afghanistan! Hoo-boy, what a thrill!

Well, in the hopes that these will be cheaper than the military version, I signed up. Now, if they get enough cash to actually produce one, I'll be on the list to maybe buy one.

This is probably going to be a couple of hundred bucks when it's available in April, so maybe a few of you who dissed me at Chriskwanzukah want to kick in a few bucks each to get me a SPOTWAVE | ZEN. Billed as "Intelligent Indoor Wireless Coverage System" which will "improve your cell phone coverage at home," this is just the thing I need to make my Verizon cell phone "service" (note - those quotes are the sarcastic wiggling-my-fingers quotes) work at home.

C'mon - I just want to be able to call my Mom!

Christmas is over, and nothing from the blog showed up under the tree. I'm going to take the optimistic approach - There's only 11 1/2 months until next Christmas!

Here's one for the kids (and me - remember, I'm a geek) The Digital Blue QX5 Computer Microscope hooks up to your PC via USB, allowing you to zoom in on anything you can put on a specimen slide. And make videos, if these specimens move. Oh, I've got some ideas on stuff to look at.