Joe's Christmas list

Be careful with this one. Depending on the fragrance, you could end up with David Brinkley instead of Christie Brinkley.

I'd like to get some ideas for this one. Sure, I can put a picture of a famous actor into the Dream Workshop (oops, sorry, the Yumemi Koubou) but maybe I want to put a picture of a JetBlue airplane with a fragrance packet that smells like burning rubber, then record myself saying, "I can afford airplane maintenance! I can afford airlplane maintenance!"

Maybe a picture of some Gas-X, a drop of Liquid Ass, and a recording saying "I won't break wind anymore."

Please add ideas as comments, and tell me how they work out!

Hmm... Nothing funny. Or weird. Strangely, this might be the first post with anything even remotely practical! I admit that I haven't taken any actual advice from this site, and I can't imagine that it's really so phenomenally all-encompassing that you should take it's advice with no other research, but Don't Buy Junk is definitely a place to take a look before a major tech purchase.

First, if you're not sure, or even if you are sure but just can't believe the title, here's what Merriam-Webster has to say about a bidet.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's the link to the Portable Bidet from Yoongchang Co. in South Korea. Just to try my hand at writing in Korean: You can washing with trochoid pump highly efficient, while nanotech can healthy clean with digital camera included.

Whoa - did I say digital camera? Yes! I did! Not only can you rinse off your undercarriage, but you can take a before-and-after set of photos to see how well you're doing!

Nothing strange or even mildly naughty about this. Just a little bit of envy. I doubt that even I could get this one past the thought police (or are they the innovation police?), but I know I would have to try. Maybe if I bought a SIP server for home, I could put a few 7985G IP Phones around the house.

Finally, something on this list that I can use. The best choice would be the purple/gold color, but listen, Dan when you order this for me, get it in the camo cover for yourself. Watch the video (it looks sexy, but it's not) and order from Papa Bert.

Why did these wacky guys from MIT have to give this thing such a tasteless name? Any other name (may I suggest "Ketchup on Keds" or "The Converse Catsup Cradle") and I'd be ordering up one for myself and another dozen or so as Christmas gifts. No, instead, these guys with a combined total of something like 11 degrees spent all their parents' hard-earned savings on like a gazillion years of school (and maybe some beer?), and we have to live with the Catsup Crapper.

Watch the video. There is some audio, so turn it up a little.