Joe's Christmas list

Now this just looks like fun. Please, please take a look at the Electronic Venus Fly Trap. And watch the video. Until the end. With the sound on. You'll thank me later.

You know who you are. You used to be normal. A little dirt didn't bother you. Hell, you probably even walked out of the bathroom a couple of times a year without washing your hands. And you sure weren't always a big pansy about touching the door handle. But then, something happened. Who knows, maybe it was some dumb-ass cable channel with a show about bacteria on the mints you get at Bennigan's. It doesn't matter, really, because now you're a freak. You hover over the toilets in your own house. You carry one bottle or Purell in each pocket, because you never know which hand may touch another person. There's a can of Clorox wipes in every room of your house, two in your car, and a year's supply in your office. You start every day off by wiping everything down. Need I continue? You know what you've become.

Now you can be even safer in your kitchen. Perhaps you never noticed, but sometimes you have to touch the next paper towel to tear off the one you want to use. And sometimes (please sit down for this devastating news) OTHER PEOPLE ARE IN YOUR KITCHEN! Protect yourself from their foulness with the iTouchless Automatic Paper Towel Dispenser.

Wacko.